“I Hate You,” I spat, my voice filled with venom that burned his heart the very second it touched his ears. He reached out, but it was too late, I had gone, stalking off to my wide clique of close friends waiting for me.
At least, that how it was supposed to happen.
“I hate you,” I lied in a mumble, my voice trailing away thanks to the lack of crushing retort. He grinned at me, his face smug in a way I didn’t understand, his eyes that I thought would only ever show kindness suddenly brimming with… something else.
I flushed red and turned around, walked three paces and realised I was going the wrong way. Going somehow even redder, I turned around and walked straight back past him. Then I thought, I was not going the wrong way, because I’m not going anywhere in particular. I have nowhere to go to. I carried on regardless, and ended up waiting for next lesson in the cold, even though I still had about 10 minutes. I sanitised my hands a few times, and shivered a lot. It was nice. I didn’t cry. I finished the Electron Shell Arrangements when the teacher let us in.
I like science. It’s my favourite, after English. In school. Obviously, college beats school. I’m going to be a vet. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that before. You have to train longer to be a vet than a doctor, because animals can’t talk to tell you what’s wrong. But I think that is a definite good thing, not a disadvantage. Animals are so much easier than people. Better, too. Nicer, generally.
I hate lunchtime now. I’d rather just keep working without a break. They’re very hard to deal with. Then we could finish school at 2:00ish instead. That would be cool. ‘Cause school’s not always all that great to be honest with you. I did love it, but it’s not really was it was before. In fact, it sort of sucks. A lot of stuff does though, doesn’t it?
I’m not the only one who notices this, feels this way? Am I?
Sometimes I like to pretend I’m insane, but then I have to stop, because I scare myself by thinking, ‘What if this is real? How do you know when you’re insane?’ and it becomes very hard to distinguish between reality and truth. And then I realise I was just pretending, remember?, and I’m a boring average mentally sound person. Then I wish that I was insane, then I realise that was a stupid thing to wish.
Then I usually fall asleep, and if it’s a good night it’s my forest and my pack, but if I forget that I’m not really insane it’s a nightmare. And occasionally, if I’m fortunate, when I wake up I can’t remember the dream.
Thanks Heavens for My Chemical Romance. I think that I owe them more than they’ll ever know.