Oh, I forgot to mention, and I think you’ll be interested to know that I’ve been living up to my title: honeypot to the chavflies, or alternatively chavmagnet. I prefer honeypot, however, as chavmagnet implies that the chavs like me.
Anyway, I was in Touchwood with Blondie and Golden when some 18 year old looking tall fat male chavs step off the escalators. As we are kind of celebrating Clitherow, Golden decided we should all wear something yellow, so Blondie was wearing a SpongeBob top and I was wearing the closest possible match I could find – a pair of green skinny jeans. (My wardrobe is mainly monochrome). So these ‘lads’ step off the escalators and obviously think they are the kings of cool, guffawing and being loud and obnoxious. They decide they are Britains next best comediens and immensly funny so, feeling arrogant, they stride up behind us and start shouting, ‘Haw, haw, I love spongebob!’ and ‘Tee hee, bogey jeans’, et cetera. At this point Blondie turns the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. Now if there’s one thing I can take ‘like a man’, so to speak, it is these people insulting me. But when they embarass my friends, they have crossed the line. I am like a wolf over her cubs when it comes to my friends. Except I would never kill my friends if I thought they might get eaten… anyway. So I turn round to this boy (have I mentioned that without my school shoes I am not particularly tall?) who is twice my height and probably bodyweight and say,
‘Haw haw haw. You’re soo original mate. How did you get to be so funny? Haw haw haw.’ Then mouth to his equally tall friend, ‘Nice trackies, hypocrite.’ Not that he’d know what that meant. Upon which abashed looking first young man looks me in the eye, clenches his fists, turns an angry shade of purple, opens and closes his big mouth, tries to find something to say, goes very very very pink, shuts his gob, and shuffles off, much to his mates’ embarrassment. So depending on how you look at it, I either did something very clever or very stupid.
But remember folks, don’t try this at home. Or out on the streets. Cause you know what they say:- never argue with a dumb person. They bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience. Unless of course, you are the one and only Loupina.
